Wow. Just…wow. Today has been like something straight out of one of those funny/sad movies where one bad thing after another happens right before the mom loses it and goes nuts. Seriously.

Firstly, BOTH of my boys, yes both, are teething. Elliott is working on his very last molar (I’ll take your thoughts/prayers now, thanks) and Andrew is cutting his two front teeth. Both of them are incredibly snotty and congested, so their gag reflexes are super sensitive right now. Which means I’ve cleaned up vomit like, 10 times, at least, in the past 24 hours. And roughly 80,000 dirty diapers. That’s bad enough.

But nooooo. The fun doesn’t stop there! This morning all was going well and I was feeding Andrew. Cassidy and Elliott go into the laundry room to let the dogs out of their beds, then immediately come running out yelling, “PEE EWWW IT STINKS IN THERE!” Izzy had …what’s the best way I can say this?…shat herself and her bed in spectacular form. The smell quickly permeated the whole house and poor Joel nearly lost his breakfast it was so bad. I had to open all the windows, but it would still take hours to get that lovely smell out.

Meanwhile, it occurs to me that I have to get Cassidy ready for school. I’m getting her dressed as quickly as possible so we won’t be late, when I hear Elliott’s muffled yells through the house. I keep following the sound of his voice until I reach the bathroom. Yep, the door’s closed. It’s locked. He’s locked himself in there. Fantastic. The thought occurs to me to just leave him in there, but….I guess leaving your 2 year old in a locked bathroom would be “frowned upon”. Jeez. We get him out, I throw some breakfast at the kids, and we make it out the door.

Later, I’m at the grocery store with Elliott in the basket and Andrew strapped and clinging to me like a koala on a tree and the 3rd old man (it’s always the old men) has just said to me while chuckling, “you’ve sure got your hands full!”. I quickly weigh my options and decide dumping my kids in his basket and giving him the double salute wouldn’t be prudent. THEN WHO SHOULD I SEE but the very man, our town’s very own Dr. Nick,

who botched Joel’s vasectomy 2 years ago. It took all my restraint not to point to the bundle attached to my chest and yell, “GREAT JOB, DOC!”, but then he was gone and I cooled off. Then I thought about how much we adore Andrew and how much joy he brings to our lives so I let it slide. I still kinda wanna punch the guy in the face, though. Principle, and all that.

Anyway, we made it home and I managed to get lunch on the table and kids down for naps without a nervous breakdown. I even cleaned the kitchen! I call that a win. And tonight, after dinner has been cleared away and the kids are in bed, I’ll have a glass of my all-time favorite, J. Lohr Cabernet Sauvingon, soak up the quiet, and flip through my Pottery Barn catalogue in peace.

Fingers crossed.

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