Yeah. So….there’s that. Let me start off by saying: babies are a wonderful gift from God.* Believe me, I know; I have 2 of them already. I was just hoping to STOP at 2. But apparently my uterus was like, “naw, we’re good, let’s go again!” Of course there have been lots of emotions over the past few weeks. Like, all of them. But I’m not here to rehash it all; I’m basically just here to announce the news to you.
And to poke fun at myself a little.
*If any of this subject is trigger-y for you, you might want to go ahead and skip this post. I would never, ever want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or hurt anyone’s feelings. I know how emotional babies/trying to conceive/pregnancies/etc are and I don’t want to diminish anyone’s feelings. Right now, for me, the best solution to a very unexpected, unplanned pregnancy is humor. So, that’s how I’m choosing to cope with this massive shock.
SO, here is a very helpful list I have put together for those of you ladies who still value your youth, good looks, and sense of humor. Read it closely and pay attention, lest you want to end up like me- the old lady who lived in the shoe.
What NOT to do if you don’t want to end up pregnant:
1. Join a gym. Don’t do it. Joining a gym will make you look good. Looking good will give you confidence. Confidence makes you do things like buy pretty black nightgowns.
2. Do NOT buy pretty black nightgowns. Just don’t. Just go ahead and stay away from any and all black undergarments. Unless it’s granny panties. Those are perfectly acceptable. And welcomed.
3. Don’t read fanfic. Reading fanfic will only put ideas in your head and give you thoughts like, “hmm. I could try that!”
4. Don’t install a shower speaker. Listening to Ed Sheeran and shaking your booty while you soap up can only lead to one place: Preggosville. If you must listen to music while you shower, I recommend Hanson. Or Church Lady Hits, Vol.1.
5. Avoid wine. All alcohol, really. When your husband gives you that knowing look and offers to refill your wineglass, JUST SAY NO. Let’s keep those inhibitions alive and kicking, ladies.
6. And lastly and most importantly, when your husband gets a vasectomy and the doctor’s assistant says, “nah, you don’t need to get your sperm count tested- just wait a month or so and you’ll be fine“, DO NOT LISTEN. Run, don’t walk, to your nearest urologist and get those puppies tested!!!
So, there it is. There’s the news. A few details- the baby is due January 20th (very close to Cassidy’s birthday!). Yes, I’m sick, just like every time before, unfortunately. Yes, we’re happy. After the initial shock faded and the dollar signs stopped dancing before our eyes (we’ll have to buy a new car and relocate Joel’s home office to the garage, and hello, THREE college tuitions…), all that’s left is happiness. I mean, yeah, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “AAHDKGKGDPPTTKJJJTTKAPPTTTTIIIII’MPREGNANTHOLYCRAP“, but you know, that’s normal, right? I guess? Anyway, thanks in advance for your thoughts, prayers, and good vibes. We’re gonna need ’em.
Congratulations!! I know how overwhelming it can seem. I was always a “2 kid” person and now we have 3…a 2 year old and 4 mo old twins. It’s worth all the smiles though once the shock wears off. 🙂
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amy Reply:
June 13th, 2015 at 9:45 AM
Thanks! Still waiting for that shock to wear off… 😉
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Comment by Heather — June 12, 2015 @ 6:35 AM
Congratulations!
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amy Reply:
June 13th, 2015 at 9:45 AM
Thank you!
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Comment by Sarah — June 12, 2015 @ 9:47 AM
Funny! Oh, and congratulations!
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amy Reply:
June 13th, 2015 at 9:46 AM
Thank you!
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Comment by Laura @ My Friend's Bakery — June 12, 2015 @ 1:16 PM
Oh my gosh, so exciting. We also had a holycrapithoughtweweredone baby. I can’t imagine not having him, but it was an adjustment and surprise to say the least. But, I would be pissed at the urologist nurse, her job should be to remind you to schedule the appointment, but tell you not to.
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amy Reply:
June 13th, 2015 at 9:49 AM
RIGHT?! Needless to say, we won’t be returning to this doctor. Glad to hear you had a similar situation that turned out happy. 🙂
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Comment by Caldwell Price — June 12, 2015 @ 6:09 PM
Congratulations Amy!
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Comment by Heather R — June 15, 2015 @ 10:39 AM
Oh my goodness, sister. You just wrote my story. Due January 3.
We just told our parents this weekend (11+ weeks along) because I told my husband I had to grieve before I was able to tell them (we had been considering international adoption – so that dream is sort of gone). Of course, we are thrilled, but really, it was quite a shock. Always so nice to know that someone else is going through it as well.
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Comment by Kensey — June 16, 2015 @ 1:04 PM
Congrats, Amy! So happy for you and Joel! Hey, maybe you can start your own SATB a capella group with the kids? 😉
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Comment by Eva @ Eva Bakes — June 16, 2015 @ 2:32 PM
Amazing post, you are hilarious. Good tips 🙂
Congrats…I am sure it’ll all work out fine, but still super crazy.
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Comment by Jill @ JBean — June 16, 2015 @ 3:20 PM
Congrats! I had a friend in a similar situation, and they are very happy now, but it took some time for them to adjust to the idea. Best of luck!
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Comment by Betsy Ann — June 18, 2015 @ 9:48 PM
Your humor is hilarious. Congratulations. I have 3 kids. 😉
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Comment by The Wheelchair Mommy — June 19, 2015 @ 12:52 PM
Congratulations Amy!
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Comment by Rosemary — July 1, 2015 @ 6:46 PM
First of all – congrats! I’ve had quite a few people I know be surprised with #3 and it all turned out roses eventually. Not quite….. surprised after vasectomy, but still.
I’m 33 weeks with #3 right now and stories like these are why I’ll be getting an IUD in addition to my husband getting a vasectomy. Call me paranoid, but I had to be convinced for #3 as it was, #4 is just not happening.
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Comment by Erin — July 5, 2015 @ 10:35 AM
What wonderful scarey happy and emotionally exhausting news-!
I love how you wrote about it. Course that was months ago, so I’m hoping the pregnancy is going great.
I had to pause tho, over your words. I tried 3 more times after my son to have another, all dismal failures that I grieved ferociously over. Funny tho now 40 yrs later, to think about those days. I hope this pregnancy brings you joy when you least expect it, hope when you need it most and love always
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Comment by blue — November 2, 2015 @ 12:16 AM